Manifesto of the Patriotic American

I'm proud to have been randomly born within an arbitrary geographical area encompassing a wide range of people with varying degress of similarity and common interests with myself. I didn't choose to be born in this country, but that doesn't stop me, along with most of the rest of the world (some who even happened to have been born outside this country), from simplistically believing that my country is the 'best in the world'. Also like the rest of the world, I can easily state all the great things that my country has done, and I salute and delusionally aggrandize the important men and women (okay, just the men) in the history of this country. When it comes to the bad deeds and villains of this country (which, ironically, happen to be the aggrandized men and women of my country more often than not) I am a know-nothing (here lies 'discrete' reference to the racist and xenophobic Know-Nothing movement of the 1850s which I have more in common with than I'd like to admit).

Along with loving my country simply because I was born in it, I also have some 'real' reasons for loving this large and completely inhuman mass of land and the people in it (ha ha no, just kidding, only the land). I love it because of the freedom and prosperity that it affords me. Freedom and prosperity that only a genocide of an entire people, mass kidnapping and enslavement of millions of Africans, the disenfranchisement and oppression of the lower classes, brutal conquest in the name of manifest destiny, global imperialism, barbarous economic policies enforcing protectionism and economic hegemony over the rest of the world in a manner which would make Adam Smith kill himself were he not already dead, and a healthy love of freedom can provide.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that God loves America too?