My Confrontational Style and Absolutist Bent Will Make me Few Friends in Life

I just had a conversation with my old friend Zeeshan Aleem in which he admitted to being a mama's boy and a habitual bet-wetter, among other things. Fortunately I kept a transcript of our conversation and decided to write an essay based on the subjects we discussed, with a focus on some of the more outrageous claims my incontinent friend uttered. Unfortunately, the whole project spiraled out of control during econ class today, and I ended up writing something that will potentially be upwards of 15 pages once completely finished. So, for your convenience, I decided to break it down into two or three smaller sections, one of which will go up immediately. If I continue on this streak of efficiency, the other two will be up by Saturday.